Hunting For Pink Elephants
by Dark and Chaotic
Summary: Fiona Johnson and Michael Jessica Keats watch Rise of the Guardians. Fia makes a wish to meet them in person. In typical fanfic fashion, they wake up in Burgess the next morning. "Really? So we're here but can't see anything. This is like hunting for pink elephants while sober." Contains lots of sarcasm and dry wit. Rated M: Sexual themes, actually scary Pitch and Bitchiness.
1. Chapter 1

**Hunting For Pink Elephants**

**by**

**Dark &Chaotic**

Summary: Fiona Johnson and Michael Jessica Keats watch Rise of the Guardians. Fia makes a wish to meet them in person. In typical fanfic fashion, they wake up in Burgess the next morning. "Really? So we're here but can't see anything. This is like hunting for pink elephants while sober."Fia grumbled, while MJ raised an elegant black eyebrow. "Because pink elephants totally exist and hunting is easier when drunk?"MJ deadpanned, voice as dry as the Gobi Desert.

Pairings: Decided but secret.

Warnings: Language, Violence, Lewdness, mature situations, occasional gore or description of such, Pitch's level of Bad Ass. Rated M just to be safe, since not everybody appreciates clinical description of wounds and the like.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but Fia and MJ. And possibly the plot.

A/N: The reason I want to write this is because I've become fed up with the plethora of fluffy fanfics of Pitch magically falling in love with an OC that also oh so happens to be Mary Sue-ish. I'm not saying I'm the best writer out there, nor am I saying that the mentioned above stories are _Bad _per se. I'm merely saying that if I want to get what I want, I have to get it myself.

**Chapter One**

_**In which cat-calling the Bad Guy on the screen while surrounded by little children is inappropriate**_

Rise of the Guardians had been a long awaited movie for many reasons. First off, it had been years since they had done anything remotely as homely as this. Second, MJ had been so busy the last 6 months that Fia had barely seen her twice for that amount of time. And finally, the bad guy on the screen had Jude Law's voice and in Fia's books that was a reason enough to watch the entire thing. Similar reasoning had popped up when she had declared that the two of them had to watch the movie the Mummy Returns, simply because of the last five to ten minutes of the movie where The Rock happened to be attached to a scorpion. But that was another story.

The plan had been simple enough. Take MJ from the airport. Leave luggage at home. Drag best friend to the cinema. Of course, even the simplest and best laid plans had to go down the shit drain. MJ's flight was delayed because of a ruddy blizzard and they had to miss the Premiere of the movie, thus they were forced to watch it three days later, surrounded by ruddy, snotty, and, ugh, whiny little children.

The movie had still been enjoyable, though, even if Fia couldn't proactively cat-call the bad guy, one Pitch Black. MJ had made sure that her blonde friend wouldn't manage to traumatize the poor children that were surrounding them. Finally outside the cinema, they could discuss the topic they wanted to during the movie itself.

"You know what they say about men with big noses?" Fia giggled sweetly, as her blue eyes took on a mischievous glint.

MJ snorted.

"Or big ears?" the blonde lewdly continued. "Or just plain big?"

"I think that this movie has the potential to be completely ruined." the black-haired girl of the two finally stated, after quietly clearing her throat.

"Definitely!" the blonde animatedly agreed, nodding her head vigorously, ponytail bouncing with her movements, sapphire blue eyes wide with excitement. "We've ruined every single Disney Movie-"

"Except for Tron." MJ cut in.

"Except for Tron, of course, but they have Daft Punk and neon lights to thank for that. But seriously, MJ. Think about all the wonderful and majestic puns of dubious origins that can simply ruin the virtues of this movie." Fia threw an arm over MJ's shoulder and pulled her to her side."Think of all the naughty ideas just waiting to explode through the screen and into the minds and hearts of the fangirls all over the world."

With her free hand, Fia motioned in front of her, as if presenting an imaginary scenery before her friend's eyes. MJ laughed at her best friend's antics and pried herself from Fia's mighty grip.

"I've been thinking all right. Thinking about how you will forever more be on Santa's naughty list." the dark-haired girl quipped with a mock serious expression. A devilish grin spread on the blonde's face. "And, naturally, you'd be damn proud of it." she added dryly.

"And I might just show him how naughty I could really be." she added coyly before bursting out in laughter soon follower by MJ's own.

**888**

Perhaps this story should be started at the beginning, as is appropriate for any decent story. It all began in Paris, 2005. Well, a bit earlier than that, but 2005 had been the year in which Fia had finally found herself acknowledged. You see, Fiona Johnson was a special girl, to say the least. Incredibly smart and perceptive, she had seen the world _for what it truly was_ (in her own opinion) at a very young age. Being different than most children her age, she had found it impossible to connect to them and thus turned to the only thing that gave her comfort – science. Her mother, however, had called that comfort madness and had decided to take her to various therapists. When that failed too, her family moved from Brooklyn, New York, to Paris, France, both because of her father's job and because her parents hoped she'd be able to start fresh in the new environment. Seeing that her parents, especially her mother, would continue to pursue that illusion of normalcy, little Fia came to the conclusion that no matter how well she did with the things that interested her, she'd never be good enough in her mother's eyes.

In the end, Fia never really did fit in with the children at her new neighborhood. With time, the girl grew more and more paranoid with the world surrounding her, her overly inquisitive mind presenting before her thousands upon thousands of scenarios in which she was hurt one way or the other. A silent terror grew within her, that threatened to overtake her entire world.

And yet, she was in Paris, the city of Love, the place where one could stare at the world on top of the Eiffel Tower, the place where one could get lost for days, marveling at all that there is to marvel in the Louvre. On one hand, there was a little voice in her head, telling her that she was too good, too smart for a world filled with so many unremarkable and mundane people. _Like little ants. Millions of nobodies._ Such thoughts often threatened to occupy her mind and Fia vehemently tried to fill her head with _more important things_ than her standing within humanity. Science was important. Science proved that humanity had done something right with its existence. _The Science , _the idea that it represented to her, was the one thing that kept that dark and wretched madness at bay, deep within the vastness of her mind. It was _The Science, The Enlightening, _that she held in the other hand, like a light against the looming darkness of her own desperation and madness.

And for a while, there had been some balance within her. For a while, she had been seen as the slightly weird, bubbly and overly joyful girl that thought herself to be a mad scientist. True, that balance hadn't been a static one, but a dynamic force that shook her like a riptide a rowboat. But just for a while, that rickety balance had been enough. Like many other things in her life, however, that moment of tentative peace passed by, and she returned to her almost religious vigil upon the people of this world.

And then... Then, on that faithful day, so many years ago, she saw that pale, listless black-haired girl, just staring into the nothing, without purpose and motivation to not just exist, but to live. _Don't give up! You mustn't give up! There must be something out there for us!_ She had approached the girl and a beautiful friendship had been born. She had acknowledged the girl and the girl had acknowledged her in return.

Acknowledgment was a powerful emotion to experience. To know that someone out there in the world believed in you no matter what. That someone out there, no matter how far away that was, was willing to cross the globe, just to have a drink with you and a laugh or two. Acknowledgment was a feeling far more powerful than mere friendship or even love to an extent. It meant that you had found your place in the world, among even a single person that understood you without having to say a word.

Thus their journey together began, and along the way, more and more people found themselves aboard their little circle of trust. First was Hatorri, one of Fia's cousins, then there was Leopold, the rival genius boy that had moved to Fia's neighborhood, then a shy pretty red-headed young woman called Rose, and the list went on. It was a journey of discovery, a last ditch effort to prevent being completely disillusioned by the world they lived in. _Quitters never win, and winners never quit._ Sometimes Fia thought that it was the journey itself that was truly important, and not the end of her most important quest in life.

Unlike her childhood, her teenage years had been blissfully filled with joy and laughter and adventure. But that time had to pass as well, and, as her friends grew up and went about the world to find their own niche in it, she found herself yet again alone on her journey. Keeping up contact with all of her friends was becoming harder, especially now that most of them were either working or in University. She herself, despite her own genius, had messed up yet again in her parents' eyes, and now was staying at home, _living the stagnant life of a nobody. _

The latest blow to her zest had been a short but sweet message she had received via mail from her crush and rival Leopold. He had finally gotten Rose to agree to marry him and they'd be celebrating their engagement with the gang soon enough. The message had been like a bucket of ice cold water dumped upon her. It had been one of the most horrible evenings in her life to this date and she had no idea how to respond. For several days, she had spent her time in some sort of hazy dream, not really comprehending the reality and gravity of the situation. She felt absolutely numb both inside and outside, and even her mother had been worried by the glint in her haunted gaze. In a way, she was happy for Rose and Leo. She couldn't force herself to hate them, not when they were two of her precious people. But it hurt oh so much inside. She couldn't bear the pain, so instead of hating them, she started hating herself _for being so petty and weak, and ignorant._ The hatred grew and with it her desire to inflict harm and destroy. She knew she was irrational and pushed hard to subdue those thoughts. _She wasn't a quitter. _She wasn't a winner either, _but she would NEVER be a quitter! _These thoughts, fueled by her self-loathing and desperation easily caused her to turn to the last thing that held the thin vestiges of her sanity together.

Michael and herself _were incredibly alike._ Most people often compared them to fire and ice. Where Fia was all nervous energy, MJ was cool and calm like water. Where Fia was obnoxious and almost violently the center of attention and excitement, MJ was unobtrusive and polite.

Fiona was tall and somewhat muscular, with well toned arms and legs and generally a very shapely figure. She was tan with a bushy, wavy, sunny blond hair. Her face was heart shaped, with cunning almond-shaped intense blue eyes, a small nose, like a doll's, and plumb, kissable lips. She was beautiful and she knew it. _She was also batshit insane, and all of her friends were aware of it. _She was confident and direct, always attentive to her surroundings and to people, _always prepared for that stab in the back that would inevitably come one day._

MJ was slightly taller than Fiona, elegant and slim, built like a wiry athlete, as nimble and as deft as a forest nymph. Always light on her feet and impeccably graceful in every move. Her eyes were a soft pale blue color, her skin was of a pale complexion and her hair was shoulder-length and a silky pitch black color. Her face was like that of a porcelain doll, her eyes looking upon the world from atop, betraying a slightly holier-than-thou, snobbish attitude that came with her being of old money family.

Where Fia was a wild exotic Amazon, MJ was the elegant and graceful ice princess. _They only had each other left in the world._

Christmas was approaching fast and Fia_ just didn't want to lose her last friend like she did the rest._ She'd invite MJ to join her family for Christmas. _London wasn't that far away from Paris after all_, and she'd be able to come as easy as she pleased. And there was this movie premiering on the local cinema, Rise of the Guardians. It looked pretty awesome so maybe MJ would agree to watch it together for good ole days' sake? _And they haven't bashed a children's movie in ages! _

Perhaps it was a little crazy to be so excited about a little fantasy-based animation, especially when Fia was the poster child for _Santa is an adult conspiracy to control children _ and the ever popular _Disney Fairy Tales cause peer pressure that kills individuality _movement. In short, Fia was born and raised without a single magical belief integrated into her body. Ever since she was a wee tyke, she had been nourished with CNN and National Geographic in stead of Teletubies or My Little Pony.

Perhaps it was her practically hereditary disillusionment with the world that drove her to such deep interest with anything fantastical or of supernatural origin. She was an avid RPG and MMO gamer and spent many hours watching fantasy or sci-fi movies or read such books. It was like an almost desperate plea for help, for something better and more meaningful in her life.

_The world would be a much better and wonderful place if it had even a bit of magic in it._

"It's chilly. We better hurry back." MJ suggested as she readjusted her coat and snuggled into its warmth.

"Hm." Fia mumbled in agreement and looked up at the stark clear winter sky.

"Come on, you can derp at the stars some other time. I'm cold and tired." MJ reminded her again but she also glanced up.

"The sky has always been the prettiest in winter."

The two of them stood like that, watching the sky in comfortable silence.

_I wish I could live among the stars...What an extraordinary life that would be..._

A single streak of light flashed through the night.

"Eh! Did you see that shooting star?" the black-haired girl pointed up, pleasantly surprised. "We better make a wish. You never know when it can come true."

_Wishes upon stars don't come true but it's the thought that counts._

"I guess you're right." Fia smiled at MJ but it was more of a cringe.

_Magic isn't real but..._

_Sometimes..._

_Sometimes I wish it was real..._

_And if that is too much..._

_Then I'd wish there was something more to this life..._

_Something worth believing in..._

_Something worth living for..._


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I'm really happy to have scored such a nice review so soon after posting the first chapter/prologue of this story :) I should apologize because you won't be seeing any actual spirits for a few more chapters, but I think the build up should be good enough to compensate for that. Well, time to write chapter two, in which...

**Chapter Two**

_In which exploiting ATMs is perfectly fine in Fia's books and for once MJ isn't complaining about it_

"Come on MJ, wake up. Time to get up. Wakey-wakey, eggs and bakey!Well, not right now but we can find a nice small diner and ask for eggs and bacon if you are really up to it." Fia sighed exasperatedly and her sigh turned into a slight growl in the end. She wasn't the particularly patient type when exciting stuff was happening. Like right now. "Come on, MJ, get the fuck up, don't make me bitch slap you into consciousness. That didn't really work well the last time. Or any time, in fact."

Fia looked around herself again and rubbed her arms. She felt like she was freezing. MJ was probably freezing as well, so she had to wake her up as soon as possible. She had no idea where they were, but it wasn't in Paris. Had they even made it home last night? She didn't really have a memory of that occasion, but both of them were properly dressed with their handbags intact.

"God dammit, woman, wake up before we both succumb to hypothermia." Fia bit out irritably and bonked her sleeping friend lightly on the head.

That hadn't been the best idea.

As fast as lightning, a fist shot up and punched her straight in the face, sending her falling on her back with a painful 'Oof!'

"I'm awake, dammit!" grumbled the irritated MJ who immediately sat up and stretched her arms and cracked her neck.

"You broke my nose!"

"Your nose is fine, I didn't hit you that hard, Fiona, and you should know better." MJ answered without missing a beat, not even concerned about the state of her friend that tended to be a dramatic little diva in such occasions. She ignored the further complaints and whining and looked around in slight confusion. "Where are we and why are we here?" MJ asked seriously.

"Well, that's why I was trying to wake you up. We're not in Paris though, that much I can tell you."

"I think I can guess that for myself as well. It's rather cold. Colder than back at your place." MJ rubbed her arms and her eyes kept darting, taking in their surroundings.

"I see pines. The frigging fuck?"

"Fia! Wait up!" MJ exclaimed as the blonde suddenly darted forward and out on the main street of whatever hell hole they were in.

MJ caught the hem of Fia's coat and yanked her back just in time to keep her from becoming a blond splat on the front of a truck.

"Can you at least pay attention to the little things such as...I dont know... STREET LIGHTS?" MJ hissed at the sheepishly blinking blonde. "And don't you dare look at me like that, damn you, puppy eyes work on lesser beings than I."

"Uhm, sorry." Fia chuckled timidly and MJ sighed. Trust Fia to make a nuinsance of herself no matter the situation they were in.

"Just- "MJ took a few calming breaths. She knew Fia couldn't help herself. What if she had been here alone? She didn't want to think about that possibility."Just pay more attention, ok? Next time I might not be here to save you from death by truck."

"I know. Thanks, MJ." Fia smiled brightly and suddenly MJ's bad mood evaporated.

"Let's find out where we are and go home. I'd rather explain the situation to your parents sooner rather than later."

Wherever they were, it looked like a small town that was eerily familiar, with crisp cold weather and snow covering everything with its gentle white fluff. Several minutes later MJ felt irritation bubbling again, as Fia was pacing quickly in some sort of direction, even though the black-haired girl knew perfectly well that the blond had no idea where they were going.

"Could you please stop for one second and tell me what the hell are you looking for?"

"Oh, I'm looking for a sign."

...

"A sign, Fiona? I think whatever happened addled your brains a bit, Fia-"

"Pfft. Not that kind of a sign, MJ. Just a plain, regular _'You are here' _sign, so that we know where we are."

MJ blinked, feeling slightly foolish for a few seconds. The moment quickly passed though, because with Fiona, one never knew what exactly she had in mind. God knows she'd been through enough during her friend's _Paranormal Investigation_ phase. And her I want to be a _Superhero-uh, no, a Supervillain_! Phase. And all those other phases MJ didn't even want to think about let alone remember.

"Why not just ask people on the street?" MJ asked as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Fia stopped in her tracks and turned around yet again to stare thoughtfully at MJ, actually looking like the thought never occured to her in the first place. Figures.

"Feh, and spoil our epic quest? No way!"

MJ groaned as the blonde skipped ahead. Sometimes it was best to go with the flow.

A bell rung close by and MJ turned to see a small diner and a person leaving it. It looked warm and cozy inside and MJ was kinda hungry. She looked back at Fia who was confidently plowing through the snow like a, well, a snowplow.

"I'm going to get something to eat." MJ stated and headed for the little cozy diner, without missing a beat as Fia spluttered in righteous indignation at her friend's sudden change in plans.

"Hey! Wait up!"

As they sat down and the waitress handed them menus, Fia continued to sulk for a good minute or so untill she notices the unimpressed gaze of her friend and she promptly gave up on that notion.

"You know, we need to do an inventory check."

MJ looked up from her menu. The way she had phrased herself, it sounded almost as if...

"You know something." her eyes narrowed at the blonde.

"It's more of a feeling, you know. I'm just missing a little clue, is all." Fia confessed. "I find it strange that we wake up in the middle of nowhere, out of the blue, you know?"

"Really now? You don't say." Mj replied, voice as dry as ever.

"Mhm, I mean, doesn't this place look ridiculously familiar?"

The waitress came to offer hot coffee which they took gratefully and they placed their orders.

"I beg your pardon, madam, but would you be so kind to tell us where where are? My friend and I appear to be irrevocably lost."

Fia was about to errupt but a quick frosty glance silenced her.

"Oh my, I've never heard your accent before. It's British, yes? You're in Burgess, dearies." MJ and Fia went numb."By the looks on your faces you seem to be pretty far away from home? Poor dears."

"Oh, not that far, really-" MJ tried to say, but Fia cut in.

"Burgess, Pennsylvania?"

"Yes."

As the waitress went away, Fia placed her head in her hands and stood like that for a whole minute.

"Holy fuck. Sweet motherfucking holy shit on a stick with a dick thrice wrapped around it." Fia breathed out in terror, voice barely a barely audible whisper. "We're in the fucking movie. Jesus fucking Christ."

Both were silent then, and MJ eventually found her voice.

"Don't be ridiculous, Fia, it might be some sort of misunderstanding or a prank-"

"This is Burgess, Pennsylvania. Not Burgess, Missouri, not Burgess, South Carolina, not Burgess, Virginia! This fucking hell hole doesn't exist!" Fia took a sip from her coffee, the hand holding it trembling.

MJ felt her mouth go dry.

"We gotta do an inventory check, get ourselves a hold of the situation, settle somewhere, find jobs, get money. You know, the whole she-bang. Holy fucking shit."

The terror was slowly giving way to the hysteria that was bubbling up in the blond and soon enough she was shaking silently with barely suppressed maniacal laughter.

"Fia, get a hold of yourself and don't scare the poor inhabitants of this community. We're planning to stay here right? Until we can find a way back home-"

"Fehehehe, this is fucking brilliant. Abso-fucking-lutely brilliant!" Fia's voice was a hushed, but excited, almost reverent and triumphant whisper. "Don't you get it? This is us! Professional movie griefers, bitches extraoirdinarie, non-believers extravaganza, the sexy-ass gamer girls that never take anything at face value."

"I get it already, now tell me what is so 'brilliant' ?"

"_We won't see the fucking sun even if it was right in our faces_." Fia finally started cackling. The waitress placed their food and slightly fearfully pulled away. "Don't you get it? Don't you see just how fucking brilliant is all of this!? I mean, come on now, MJ, you're a smart girl. Seeing here is not believing, and believeing is seeing. Think about it, if we are _here_ than that means that_ they _are here and _that _means _we_ have to find them."

"What I don't get is why are you so amused by all of this." MJ remarked dryly, still rather disbelieving of the whole situation.

"Oh no, I'm not amused, MJ."Fia's chilling smile was like sweet poison. "I am absolutely livid." There was a hint of a growl in her words. The blond woman huffed and pouted, crossing her hands over her chest, looking as indignant as ever. "I mean, think about it, MJ. Really? So we are here but we can't see anything. This is like hunting for pink elephants while sober!"Fia grumbled while MJ raised an elegant black eyebrow.

"Because pink elephants totally exist and hunting is easier when drunk?" MJ deadpanned, voice as dry as the Gobi Desert.

Fia chuckled appreciatively at her and shook her head.

"This is exactly what I'm talking about. We're a couple of disillusioned skeptics that just wish the world was a wee bit of a better place to live in."

"Wish?" MJ's eyes widened. "Bloody Hell! That was your wish on the bloody shooting star, wasn't it, you little hellion!? This...This is all your fault!"

"For fucking fuck's sake, MJ, I didn't wish to be _here! _My wish was about getting something better in life than...than what I've been dealt with."

MJ shrunk back uncomfortably as Fia looked away, cheeks slightly blushing at her admission.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." Michael apologized softly.

"I know, MJ. It's just... it still hurts to think about it. I thought that he would... it doesn't really matter now, does it? Not anymore, anyways. Now that we are here, we better make the best of it. Things are yet to turn out to have been for the best and... I am looking forward to having an adventure, to be honest." Fia grinned and her flush intensified with her excitement.

The rest of their breakfast was a quiet affair and they used their time to check what they had on themselves and what they could use to their advantage. As stated earlier, both their handbags were intact and they had found, to their relief, both their cell phones and their wallets.

"The one time I decide to leave my lap top at home and this happens." Fia remarked bitterly, as she placed her purce by her side again. She looked out the window of the diner. It had started snowing softly again. Idly she wondered if that had been Jack Frost's doing.

"You have Wi-Fi on your phone, Fia, you won't die without internet, at least."

"Says the girl with nun-chucks in her handbag." Fia sighed." We need to get registered for mobile phone services and I have a feeling that the same would go for our bank accounts."

MJ actually cringed at the thought of being low on money.

"Can't you do something about that?"

Fia snorted at what MJ was suggesting.

"Of course, but not from a ruddy little smart phone." she huffed and shook her brand new and state of the art smart phone. "Well, I can do it from a smart phone and access to Wi-Fi, but it will take way too long and I'll get fustrated and then I might mess something up and then I'd get caught and then I'd go to prison and you'll be all alone and on the streets. And we can't have that. Let's find a library. Libraries always have public computers with access to internet."

MJ nodded in agreement and followed Fia out of the little cozy diner.

The next several hours were the most nerve wrecking they've had in quite a while. Armed with little over five thousand dollars from several different ATMs all over Burgess and on the verge of dying from the immense cold, the two stumbled inside the small hotel they had been adviced to go to and practically collapsed on the beds once they booked a room.

"I just realized something." Fia stated all of a sudden, sitting up on her bed.

"Hm?"

"Turn off automatic updates on your phone."

"Why?"

"Because our smart phones still have information from home. And it's different than the information here, if you catch my drift."

"I haven't really thought about us having such an issue." MJ mumbled and then cuddled up into her warm covers. The bed wasn't particularly comfortable but it was better and warmer than the couches in the library. Fia had taken forever in there. Michael heard shuffling and turned to see Fia, ass up in the air, and head upside down, looking under the bed.

"Fia I want to sleep, what the hell are you doing?"

"Checking for monsters."

"For goodness' bloody sake, Fiona, go to bed."

"No monsters." Fia sounded almost as disappointed as she was relieved and MJ resisted the urge to to roll his eyes and groan.

Sleep, however, was delayed yet again.

"If you can see anything you will tell me, right? You'll protect me?"

" . . . ."

That concluded their first day in another universe.

Not so far away, a mischievous spirit of Frost was gracefully flying above Bugress, spreading merry chills.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I watched the Rise of the Guardians again last night, looking for some more inspiration here and there along the way. Anyways, this story begins around Christmas, so there is practically several months before the events of the movie.I will, however, try to add some Guardian-ness here and there, since I know that's what all o' ye been waiting for! And now, for the next chapter in which...

**Chapter Three**

_In which having tremendously high IQ does not necessarily mean that you can score a job_

"Look out!" Fia's yell echoed throughout the forest as she pulled MJ with all her might away from the falling debris. The large stone structure had exploded with tremendous force, large pieces of it smashing into the still fighting masses at its base. Fia ignored the massacre that was strewn before her eyes and pulled her heavily wounded friend on her shoulders. She had to get to the brush as soon as possible and heal what she could.

"We...we must hunt those who have fallen." MJ said as she removed her tinted glasses and wiped the sweat and dirt from her face. There was a large bloody gash in her abdominal area that she was clutching with her other hand.

Fia did not say anything as she pulled at MJ's hand and took a good look at the ugly looking bleeding gash. She had no idea how MJ could still hold herself conscious let alone alive with that thing ripping through her side. With a growl, the blonde placed her spear on the ground and concentrated on the natural energies that were both within and surrounding her. With a powerful primal surge, the horrid gash began to close and her friend breathed a little easier.

The Blonde tucked a stray golden lock behind her ear and grinned like a Cheshire at her resting friend.

"Come on MJ, the bastards are heading for mid and we can't have that dumb Ryze too unprepared." Fia lowered herself even further into the brush as she heard someone stumbling through the jungle. Her eyes widened in excitement as her muscles tensed in preparation.

MJ knew the signs well enough and she readjusted her position from a sitting to a crouching one, a silver bolt into her crossbow already placed.

"On the prowl." the murmur was both so soft and quiet and yet is reverberated through MJ's chest as her friend morphed into a viscious looking cougar.

The large cat used what spare seconds they had till contact with whatever was heading their way to rub into MJ in a show of affection and then prepared to pounce. MJ readjusted her red-tinted glasses and readied herself.

The two of them weren't really that ready for an enemy attack, but there was little choice. The closest turret was too far away for them to reach it in this state and the sheer fact that Fia had turned to her cougar form suggested she was surrepticiously low on mana.

Fia's ears perked up as whoever was approaching got nearer. She could hear the distressed huffs of the person's erratic breathing pattern. It was Ryze, a look of pure terror on his face.

"Run." he rasped out.

It was too late. A swift, swooshing sound and then spikes pierced through the Rogue Mage's body. His face was distorted in a silent scream as he fell in a dead bloodied heap on the ground.

MJ tumbled out of the way as a giant grotesque insect swooped down upon them. Fia pounced on him almost immediately as her friend fired bolt after bolt. Claws fought with scythe-like appendages in a viscious battle for survival. It was a futile battle but at least Fia hoped MJ would be fast enough to kill Kha'zix before the both of them fell to his spikes and scythes.

The creature threw her off in this moment of distraction and she hit a tree with a sickening was it. That would be the end and they'd lose the second turret. The entire operation was a failure from the start. The large cat closed her eyes and her ears were flat against her skull as she prepared for the inevitable end.

There was a loud, deafening screech and Fia felt some sort of warm liquid drip over her. She tentively opened her eyes and saw the insect pinned to the tree via her very own javelin. Large eyes followed the other end of her javelin to see MJ still holding it tightly, pushing through Kha'zix' skull and into the tree. Fia pulled away awkwardly and then morphed back into her human form. She had several broken ribs and a dislocated shoulder. Breathing was hard and painful, but at least neither of her lungs was punctured. For now.

With effort she gathered some of the surrounding natural energies to heal herself as best as she was capable of at the moment. She felt winded even after the spell and her legs' muscles were trembling with the effort to keep her standing,

"We need to get back to base. Neither of us is in any condition to continue and you are barely on your feet." MJ said as she placed a silver bolt in her crossbow. "I can head back to the turret and wait for you."

Fia merely nodded, not really having the strength to talk. MJ pulled the spear out of the tree and the dead insect's head, further spilling that icky goo. She handed it to Fia who inspected the javelin and then swiftly left the brush, leaving her support alone.

The Beastial Huntress sighed and then grimaced at the disgusting goo that was all over her spear and, of course, upon herself. She might as well head over to the river to clean it up while she waited for her summoner to take her back to base. Things were pretty quiet in the jungle so it seemed a safe enough idea. A bath in the river always seemed to soothe her nerves and she definitely needed some soothing after this close encounter with the viscious Kha'zix. In her opinion he was even worse than Rengar, who was known as an avid hunter. At least the lion was somewhat deliciously ripped, tall and masculine in everyway possible.

She hated insects with a passion, though she did have a soft spot for Kog'maw whenever he sprouted those beautiful Monarch wings. With another sigh and with all of her meager clothing taken off, she slipped into the cool waters of the river, in a secluded and covered with brush area. An irritated scowl marred her features. Apparently one of the enemy champions had managed to breach their northen defences and now her Summoner had to take their bloody time to get her back to a base that's already compromised.

Was there no time for rest at all? Fia scoffed and submerged herself in the cool waters. The cleansing feeling of the river against her skin felt wonderful and once she popped her head above the surface she took her time to stare at how intricate the tattoos upon her skin looked. There was really nary a difference from herself and Nidalee, save for her golden locks, and probably her eyes and she also found her surroundings to be quite indulging with how real everything looked. Pines and shrubbs that were more at home with very different from each other climates, tall muddy river banks that were actually dangerous to just decide to pass through. In the middle the river itself was rather deep, probably a little over two meters. The current was slow and there was some sort of kelp on the bottom.

Fia's breath hitched as she felt something of a presence behind her. There wasn't a sound nor any movement to indicate it, just the intense feeling of being watched. A futile attempt was made to cover her rather large breasts with her arms as she carefully looked about her. Her heart was beating so hard she could hear it in her ears and she felt it hard to swallow. Had it been MJ, she would've popped out by now. And none of the other allied champions seemed to be perverts. Aatrox was more interested in constant battles, Riven probably didn't swing that way and Ryze was still dead and at the base.

Perhaps it was some wild animal and not an enemy champion? She really couldn't discern anything save the feeling of paranoia that oh so suddenly overwhelmed her. Whatever it was, it was a good idea to get the hell out of the river and make a wild dash with whatever almost non-existent vigor she was left with.

She turned around only to find herself face to face with a nightmare. Her breath hitched as he dragged her back in the river with one swift motion.

"Hahahaha! Darkness!"

Her world went black as she felt one hand on her neck and the other sliding down her abdomen.

The transition from dreaming to being awake was as sudden as it was gradual and Fia had to blink several times before she realized she was back in her bed and not spending nonconsentual sexy time with Nocturne, the Eternal Nightmare, within the Summoner's Rift, in a rather lucid League of Legends induced dream. She puffed out a breath that was both filled with relief and frustration. Fia rubbed her eyes and looked at the clock on her bedside table. It read 4:30 am and it was still completely pitch black outside.

_The Darkness is closing in...it's pitch black now...but I can still see him...**(A/N: quote about Nocturne taken from LoL wiki.)**_

Fia shuddered slightly and rubbed her arms to get rid of this superficial chill that ran through her. At least she wasn't too off of her usual wake up time, which was more or less 5:00 am. She threw off the covers from herself and hopped out of her bed. She needed a shower to release the tention she felt left over from the dream she just had. She went out in the corridor and saw that MJ's room's light was off. She hadn't returned from her shift at the bar then.

Fia sighed as she stepped into the bathroom. She traced her neck carefully with her fingers, idly imagining Nocturne's hand upon her neck once more. Her thoughts lingered on his other touches for a moment before she concentrated yet again on her bath.

Perhaps she felt rather lonely and lacking a man's touch. It was about time, she reasoned, to settle down and have children. That was what her biological clock was telling her. _And she wanted to get some and not be thrown out on the next day. She refused to be stabbed in the back._ She was still young and she had time, plus she was beautiful and smart and she knew if she put her mind to it, she could be quite successful. _After all, wasn't Leo successful already?_

That thought came almost as unbidden as the slight twitch went through her body, almost as if shocked by static or something like that. Leo was a sore topic for many reasons. _She wondered if he had gotten any better with Rose than he had been with her. _The blonde hit the tiled wall and growled with sheer frustration and rage at her own weakness. She hated getting up earlier than usual, even if it was not by much. The night always gave way to the nasty, spiteful side of her mind and it was harder to reign in her desire to just scream and destroy everything in her path. She hadn't gotten that low, nor will she ever get so low as to lose her temper to such an extent.

The shower was shorter than she anticipated as she just wanted to get her hands on something and just do...something. Once dressed she headed for the kitchen where she visciously beat a bunch of eggs in a wee bit too early preparation for breakfast. Once MJ gets home she'd sleep through the morning and well beyond noon. Then she'd have the day off and the next day she'd have a normal shift till midnight after which she'd get home. It was a routine she had quickly gotten into soon after they had rented this house. It was a two-story building with a front and back yard that would hold various herbs and plants as soon as spring settled in.

Despite her own problems that reared their head every now and then, like tonight,_ or rather early this morning, _Fia felt as if she had a lot to look forward to. It was late January, almost a month spent in this alternate world and there was at least some success on their little hunting agenda.

**Flashback**

MJ was tired but at least she knew the job was a keeper. She was efficient and her ingrained dexterity allowed her to work the bottles, glasses and various coctails and drinks with ease. Her boss was impressed with her diligent hard-working nature and she was also pretty, so that was always a bonus for the generous tips the clientelle left her. Working as a barwoman in one of the few bars in Burgess was a well paying job.

Still, MJ was tired and she wanted to go to bed. However that notion suddenly seemed impossible as the smell of freshly baked cookies penetrated her nostrils.

"Fia, what are you doing? We don't exactly have the money to waste on you baking to your heart's delight!" MJ chasticed, even though her eyes were hard glued to the infamous Grandma Johnson's cookie specials.

"Pft, I'm making these for Santa Claus, in case he gets hungry."

MJ actually had to process what her blond friend had exclaimed so cheerfully. No matter what the two of them went through and how well she knew Fia, there were always times in which MJ ended up stunned speechless for one reason or the other. This occasion was no different, but the particularities involved being overwhelmed by the sheer amounts of stupidity and incredulity that were contained within the statement. MJ's brain just had to do a quick reboot.

She blinked.

"Care to repeat that?"

"I'm making cookies for Santa Claus? Grandma's special if you don't recognize them. I think the occasion is special enough."

"You do realize that even if he does come by our region, he'd have no reason to pass by our house because we're not children."MJ looked at Fia's wide-eyed expression and she just had to contradict herself." Well, mostly not children. And I bet we'd never be on either his nice or naughty list, because we didn't exist here when we were children, and that is, of course, assuming Santa Claus a.k.a. Nicholas St. North, is actually real."

Fia still had that expression on her face, as if whatever MJ had told her simply passed by her brain.

"Ugh, fine, Fiona. Make your cookies, but just don't bother me in the morning when they've been left untouched." MJ cut her tirade only to notice socks attached to the fireplace."Holy Mother of Jesus Christ, you actually got bloody socks on the fireplace." she breathed out in greater disbelief, one hand finding itself on her forehead. "This is so childish and stupid, I have no more words for this."

MJ rolled her eyes and stomped her way upstairs to her room. In the morning however, she was just as incredulous and speechless as she had been the night before.

It was rather simple. The cookies were gone, no crumbs left, in fact. The milk had been drunk dry, and MJ had a bunch of various candy in her sock, while Fia's held a small piece of charcoal.

Naturally, MJ's first reaction after her shock wore out was to laugh out loud at Fia's small piece of charcoal. It was just so utterly ridiculous, looking at her blond friend's smug and downright sinisterly satisfied expression as she held the sock in one hand and the charcoal in the other.

"You're actually on his naughty list!"she stated while unwrapping a piece of chocolate candy to enjoy.

"Well, I don't think either of us are on any list, unless there is a pair of alternate us-es existing somewhere on this planet." Fia explained diligently while she marveled her little piece of charcoal.

"Then how do you explain the charcoal?"

"Simple, I left two notes by the tray with cookies. One had the recipe while the other was a personal message to dear old North. In Russian."

"Somehow I am utterly certain that the message was either lewd and perverted, or pervertedly forward and lewd."

"Your guess is correct, though I will not repeat what I've written, since it's not for the ears of polite company."

"Because I've totally never heard a swear or anything innuendo-like in my entire, if meager, life." MJ's voice dripped with glorious sarcasm.

"I suspect he probably thought you wrote the recipe and the suggestive note had been my doing."

_**What really happened:**_

Burgess looked wonderfully chilly and calm with the amounts of pristinely white, puffy snow that covered everything, from roof to car, from garden to the asphalt on the streets. Jack Frost had really outdone himself this year, Nicholas St. North thought, as his sleigh skipped across the starry night sky. He was almost done delivering the presents for all the nice children in town when the scent of freshly baked cookies hit his sensitive nose.

North nearly turned over the sleigh in his eagerness to taste the wondrously smelling pieces of heaven. Going through the chimney was as easy as ever and his first action once he got inside the house was to look around. The living room was recently and modestly decorated. Obviously whoever lived here had moved in recently. He noticed the socks on the fireplace, one designated for a Fiona and the other for someone named Michael. Strangely enough, something that never happened in fact, he could not put a face to the names.

"Kak eto stranno." North mumbled in Russian. _How Strange._

He needed to investigate. Perhaps his memory was failing him with time? No, that couldn't be it. North wen't quietly upstairs and took a peak in both of the occupied bedrooms. At first he had thought that these were the socks of a young married couple but what he saw confused him further. Fiona was a blonde young woman, and Michael, or rather Michelle, was a pale, dark haired girl that was napping just as quietly. He had no idea who they were and they were neighter on his Nice nor Naughty list.

"Niet, pravda eto stranno!"he exclaimed again, scratching one bushy dark eyebrow. _No, this is really strange._

He'd get to the bottom of this, sooner or later. Perhaps when he got back to the North Pole he would check the lists. It just wasn't possible NOT to have people on either list.

But first... there were cookies and milk to take care of. The cookies stood no chance before his mighty sweet tooth. Until he noticed the two notes left by the cookies. One was a recipe and the other...

North left with the worst blush he's had in twenty years. The last time he'd been so embarrassed was when he accidentally dropped off through a chimney and nearly into a bundled heap of arms and legs that was a young, recently married couple that was busy getting more intimate with each other.

He just had to leave a charcoal for good measure.

_**Back to Flashback:**_

"Why would he think I wrote the recipe? I can't cook to save my life!"

"Maybe because it was written with your handwriting and with a different pen?"

MJ rolled her eyes. Of course Fia would conduct some sort of crazy pseudo-experiment. She sighed. People say that the idle mind is the devil's playground. MJ would gladly add that a pervert's mind is never idle. She wondered which of the statements was worse. It was a tough decision.

"At least now we know we're actually in the movie. This is beyond ridiculous, though. I just can't wrap my mind around it." MJ stated.

"I know, right? It's like you're seeing but you're still working on believing, when you have to believe in order to see, but the problem is you know they are real even if it's ridiculously impossible, so you neither can see nor believe, and yet you know you can see since you believe, because one has no choice but to trust fact. Kinda like electrons."

MJ blinked. She got the gist of what Fia was trying to say but...

"Your logic always seems to astound me with its...brilliance."MJ said drily.

"Why thank you MJ!"

"That was sarcasm."

"Aww. Why are you so mean to me?"

MJ shook her head.

_**End of Flashback:**_

It was around 6:00am that MJ came home. She greeted Fia politely and had breakfast with her before heading to her bed. Fia's eyes lingered on MJ's door. She was happy that at least MJ had gotten a job. She hadn't found anything suitable for herself yet, but she was hopeful she'd find something soon. After all, she was crafty and resourceful, and there were always things to do when one was crafty and resourceful.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: My aunt is coming home from Spain and I just had to twist my foot somehow. I probably kicked something in my sleep because I couldn't get off my bed this morning. Oh well, woes of real life and what not. My sis had gone through something similar two months ago. Anyways, I think I should concentrate on the latest chapter, in which...**

**Edit: We got ourselves a second kitten. We called it Argentina. Turned out it was a male kitten. I think my brain is traumatized because it's too cute to be a male kitten. Oh well, kitty is probably forever and ever gender confused. On a second note, a Hunting for Pink Elephants Trailer is in the process of being made. I'd be happy if someone has any ideas as how to present Bunny and Tooth with sims 3, since you can't make half-birds and anthropoid rabbits in Sims 3.**

**Chapter Four**

_In which, for the sake of humanity, MJ still forbids Fia from offering babysitting !_

If Fia had one saving grace and nothing else, it would be her eagerness to go to the store and buy groceries or whatever they needed. She was the person who cooked and she knew how to pick the best vegetables and meat for the best possible meal. She was also the person who tended to get side-tracked a lot for all the wrong reasons, including that one embarrassing time in which MJ had to do her best to dissuade her friend from stalking this random guy, who simply wore a blue hoodie and some sort of jeans. And no, that hadn't been Jack Frost.

MJ supposed Fia could be trusted with doing the groceries most of the time but there was always something that happened, a local gossip she had heard, a little trick she had played on someone. In all honesty, the British woman was certain that even if they don't find a single Guardian or whatever, they'd still have something interesting happening to them every single day.

It was the middle of February and the cold was reigning supreme during this time of the year. The bar she worked at still, somehow, had more work than usual, and she was certain it was because of Valentine's day. She had even gotten a few Valentine's cards, but she had politely declined any dates. She was stuck in another universe with the potentially most dangerous and crazy person on the planet and she was really in no mood to go on a date with a cute guy only to be called by the police department or something equally mortifying that her best friend had somehow turned Burgess into rubble via a new experimental Pancake mix. She could just see how everything would sooner or later go out with a glorious bang, and she couldn't do anything but hold on for the ride. And possibly keep Fiona from killing herself in an obnoxious way. Yes, indeed, that was her current daily life and, for her, each day in which Burgess was still standing, was a day in which she had done her primary job – keeping Fiona from doing anything overly stupid.

Her secondary job, of course, was keeping herself from killing Fiona whenever she came up with one scheme or another to make money fast or to capture the Guardians or any other spirit they may come across. Really, she should be concentrating on finding a way back and not further fanning the flames of whatever madness had taken over her since they ended up here. Sure, she agreed that the coincidences were quite a lot, but magic? It sounded so ridiculously improbable it wasn't even funny. There was a saying that to primitive people some of the greatest scientific inventions would look like magic to them. Perhaps something of the sort had happened to them and now they were in some sort of paralel world.

There were days in which she found herself almost believing in the enthusiasm of her blond friend. Those were good days that brought a smile on her face when she'd see the sparkling vivid azure eyes that burned with promises, hope and belief in a brighter future. No matter what had happened, Fia was happy here, and, to an extent, so was she.

**888**

Tonight was a busier night than usual. There were three days or so till Valentine's day and apparently everybody was in the mood for some loving. _Americans, _she huffed under her breath with a roll of her eyes. They just had to go over board with everything. In her humble opinion, Valentine's day was a day to be spent with the ones you love, a quiet day for appreciation of your precious people. A horny couple passed her on their way to one of the bathroom stalls. Her upper lip raised slightly at one side, in a disgusted semi-snarl. There were hotels and beds for those reasons, she thought, shuddering at the various bacterial flora that was undoubtedly inhabiting the majority of the toilet stalls.

A man sat down heavily at a bar stool right infront of her.

"Evening, boss." she greeted casually, as she expertly put away yet another pristinely disinfected glass.

"It's bad news, girly." the man grumbled and MJ immediately poured him a shot of the finer spirits she had in her disposal.

MJ's boss was probably one of the most serious people she'd met thus far in this little hell hole of a town. He was a middle aged man with two little boys, a girl and a nephew under his care. Apparently,several years ago, he, his family, and his brother's family had gone camping and on the way back home, he had lost his wife and his brother and his wife. Now he was a single father of three boys and a girl, but he was holding up well. She had yet to meet his kids, but if their dad was just as good a father as he was an employer, then they were probably a decent bunch of brats.

MJ's employer's name was Bill, William, really, but he preferred Bill. He was tall and a hulk of a man, and he was not afraid to help his employers by doing some heavy lifting along side them. He had tanned skin and a short, neatly cut mouse brown hair, a seriously massive lower jaw and greenish-yellowy hazel eyes.

"Micky's cut his losses and hasn't been answering his phone all weekend, the little turd. Expo's in ten days and I need someone who knows their stuff to do the pickings this year."

MJ listened carefully to her boss' rantings, like a good barwoman. That's how she got the job, to be honest, she had a pretty face, a serious attitude and she was also an amazing listener. She had to be, after spending so many years in the presence of one Fiona Johnson. But as she listened to Bill, a plan started to form in her mind. It was a bit of an underhanded plan, but really! It was a win-win situation for everyone. Bill needed someone who understood a thing or two about electronics, MJ and Fia could do with the extra money.

She didn't feel suprised by her own willingness to swindle the man for the extra cash. It wasn't really swindling, either, since she'll simply milk Fia about everything she knew about cabling (and she knew a lot about cabling, and that was quite the something). It was a brilliant plan and it was a dirty plan and MJ expertly smothered her sense of right in order to make their living a little bit more comfortable.

**888**

"Are you with me so far?"

There was hope in those bright blue eyes. It was hopeless though.

"From one ear through the other." MJ said honestly and sighed.

"Ok, ok. So you've told boss-man that you have good sense of cabling. Commendable manipulation skills. Technical mumbo-jumbo understanding, not so much commendable,but we can work with what we have."

"Fia..."

"Don't worry it's perfectly legal. I think."

"Fia."

"All you have to do is listen to what I say and repeat it dutifully."

MJ groaned. Somehow she managed to get the blonde on a spy-themed tangent.

"But what if you have to look at various products!? You have no idea what you're handling! And-and the paneling for the new wing of the bar? Shit!"

"Fia."

"I need to see what you are looking at!I need to buy some glasses, a small camera...perhaps use mats from an old second-hand phone? I can borrow some tools from that Pete guy from across the street, the old geezer is a hobbyist mechanic. I think I know a few Nokia models that have a sufficiently small cameras-"

"Fiona!"

"-and then I'd need to fuse the wiring within the frame and-"

"FIONA!"

"What? Why are you shouting like that? You know I have delicate processes going on in my head? What if I forget something-"

"Fia,just shut up. I will agree to your plan, because we really need the money and I don't want Bill to know that I live with a raving mad scientist of a lunatic."

"I do not rave." Fia sniffed indignantly.

MJ just stared at her with a deadpan expression. Only Fia would be perfectly fine with being called a mad scientist and a lunatic.

"That was totally the point of what I just said. Ugh, don't look at me like that, it's disgusting and degrading and I already said that I will agree to your plan, so...just stop. Stop. Now."

**888**

"Hey Pete!"

The old, hunched-over man looked up from his gardening and waved at the blonde woman.

"I need to make a pair of spywear glasses and some other stuff and I was wondering if I can borrow your toolset for a couple of days? I know you're not using it right now, I heard from Mrs. Beagles that your wife told you to fix the garden since Mrs. Warrington from next door had prettier bushes and some prize winning petunias, so I know they'd be free at least for a week."

"Do you spend your entire day gathering gossip, young lady?" Pete finally asked as he took off one dirty glove to shake hands with Fia.

"Not really, but there is little else to do until I find a job and all. It kinda sucks that nobody would trust a gal with a pair of wrenches." Fia sighed dramatically and Pete chuckled.

"You're quite the something that you don't see everyday, Fiona. You remind me of my grandson. He's a good kid, visits often, I should introduce you some time."

"I'd probably scare him off, like I did the mail man." Fia stated honestly as she shrugged." He's still delivering our bills and stuff to the Jacobs next door. Mrs. Beagles says he's been considering therapy."

"_What _did you do to scare the poor man, anyways?"

"Honestly, I have no idea, but MJ says I have a natural talent with placing the fear in weaker men's hearts."

"Wife says you nearly cut his head off with a butcher's knife."

"Pfft! I merely threw it at MJ to keep cutting up those chops." Fia waved a hand dismissively while the old man laughed heartily. "I swear, you Americans are so squeamish and I am French, so comming from me..."

"I'm not squeamish, I've been to Vietnam." Pete stated seriously.

"You don't count because there is always bound to be at least one kick ass grandpa. But my generation? You see a guy who can click a mouse and push a few keyboard buttons and wham, he's all that but he isn't. I'm starting to think I'll die a spinster, Pete, it's getting that serious."

"Don't be like that, there are bound to be a few good boys around here, sweetheart. What of Beagles' kid? He spends a lot of time at the gym and he helps his father at his workshop. He had good grades in school and he's saving money to go to a nice university. He's an honest, hard-working lad."

"Ugh, James? I've seen him. He has problems with testosterone secretion, he is also suppressing criminally sociopathic behavior, especially when it comes to outright aggression and his family has a history of criminal behavior on the mother's side of the family. His uncle has been three times to jail for fighting some people on the streets and also there's a case of abuse hanging on his head."

"Do you do background checks on all your neighbours?" Pete asked mildly.

"Sometimes, when I get bored." the girl shrugged non-chalantly. "And I get bored a lot."

"What about Bobby, he's a few years older, but he's a nice guy as well. He works for an IT company."

"Robert Dray, from three streets down? His mother is a harpy, no offense, I wouldn't be able to stand the witch for five seconds without retaliating. And he is too mellow to oppose Mummy, so it'd be a no-no all over."

"Kyle Smith, Leslie's little brother."

"He's Epileptic."

Pete sighed.

"You'll die a spinster if you're so picky."

"I'm not that picky, I'm just thinking about the future generations of little Fionas that will have to deal with whatever genetic waste I thoughtlessly throw at them. That and, like I told you, I scare all the good guys away."

Pete chuckled.

"How long do you plan to stay here in Burgess, anyways?"

"Oh, I don't know. It's a bit complicated, but isn't it so with all quests of Life? I think we'd settle here for a few years, work a bit on some science stuff, see what works and what doesn't. Make something of my life on my own...I don't know, to be honest. I just want to get it right you know? I kinda dragged MJ in this mess, but yeah, like I said, It's complicated... So, about that toolset?"

Pete had noticed the girl had a peculiar way of expressing herself. Just by looking at her, he knew that there was something more going on around her and her friend, but he didn't think it was wise to interfere. They had just popped up one day, bringing with themselves that vibrant aura of rebellious youth, and then there was this blonde girl that just happened to know how to fix their washing machine while he was out of town. During their first week, they had quickly settled themselves as the talk of the small town, what with them being foreigners, young and all on their own.

In the end, while he firmly believed Fiona was some sort of ridiculously smart freak of nature, he also found himself rooting for her and her friend, hoping they'd succeed fixing whatever mess they were in. He was certain that there was a mess to fix, what with all those little bits of information the blonde tended to slip whenever she started rambling for long periods of time.

**888**

Yetis were rummaging through every single filed list with both nice and naughty children. A few near calls here and there, but otherwise nothing. And to think he had almost missed that house if it hadn't been for those glorious cookies. Something was so terribly amiss here that North had no choice but to look into it. Even if they were adults now, they must have been children and recently so, seeing as they were both young women. If he didn't have them on his list, then he had made a mistake and if he had made a mistake with them, then that would surely mean there were other mistakes, other children missing from his lists. That would not do. He needed to get at the bottom of this and quick. Once the Yetis were done with the checking all the lists, maybe he'd call up Toothiana and see if she didn't have anything on the two women, in the case (which was possibly the likeliest scenario) he doesn't find anything about them.

**888**

It was around 7am that MJ finally arrived home, only to find the lights in the living room to still be lit. She blinked twice, dispelling some of the sleepiness. She took a deep breath and exhaled quickly, trying to dispell the quickly built up irritation. Currently she was the one paying the bills and they could not allow themselves to simply _forget _to switch off the lights. She paced into the room only to find herself stopping again.

"Oh, you're here."

"Hmm? Oh, good morning, MJ. How was your shift?" Fia didn't even look up from what she was doing.

MJ noticed a black band around her head, holding up what seemed to be some sort of complex contraption made of magnifying glasses. There was also the distinct smell of welding gas, which was kind of disturbing, since those could be dangerous if inhaled in greater concentrations. The black-haired girl quickly started opening up the windows of the living room, despite the ungodly cold chill that was spread throughout Burgess at this hour.

"Did you even get some sleep last night?"

"Mhm, sleep is for the weak, and I had this brilliant idea at how to tackle these glasses and-"

"Fia, you have an entire week for this, you don't need to do this all at once. Just go to sleep."

The blonde looked up, one eye ridiculously large due to the magnifying lens, and MJ had to supress a snicker. She was squinting slightly and her cheeks were rather flushed. MJ was unimpressed.

"Go to bed. Now."

Thankfully, Fia did not argue and she carefully settled her miniature workshop area, yawned like a boss and stretched herself, popping almost every single joint in her body with great satisfaction.

"Change your clothes before you go to sleep. If you get any spots on the sheets I will murder you immediately."

"Mhm, MJ, breakfast is in the fridge. Night." the blonde yawned again and dragged herself upstairs to sleep.

After eating breakfast, she took a quick shower and prepared herself to go to bed as well, after her long and tedious night shift. She woke up late in the afternoon, to find food on the table and Fia sifting through a newspaper for a job. There was a pair of inconspicious looking glasses with clear lens on the table. They were neatly black and stylish, and MJ wasn't able to immediately spot the little in-built cameras. She narrowed her eyes. Fia probably waited out for her to go to sleep so that she could get back to work on them.

It was a pretty nifty job, but still.

"I told you to get some rest." MJ scolded and she got that particular feeling that Fia was suppressing a satisfied, smug grin. She could tell by the glint in those expressive eyes of hers.

The blonde casually flipped a page and then, without turning to look at her, replied.

"I'll rest when I'm dead. I can't just leave something unfinished when I'm so close to making it work. Besides, I've tested them, and they work like a charm. You only need to charge them up via this little stand over here, then you can hook up this little wire here into the tip just like this and then, if there is a connection to a computer, you can upload the data that has been recorded. And this here sets up wireless connection, again to this little stand, which, when connected to a computer, permits live video feed."

"And this is supposed to work over long distances how exactly?" MJ was almost certain she would not like the answer, but she had to ask.

"Meh, you worry too much over silly things that have been solved." Fia dismissed the problem entirely, thus confirming MJ's suspicions that it was probably something illegal. She sighed.

"Sometimes you really worry me." she mumbled as she took a sip from the freshly prepared English tea. It was good tea, just the way she liked it. She would not bother Fia too much about it, for the sake of this good tea.

"Old man Pete sends his regards by the way. He came by to give us the mail."

"Mailman still avoiding our place?"

"Well, yeah. It's kinda stupid, you know."

"He's a pussy, even if he is a cute pussy." MJ deduced, fondly remembering how the man ran away screaming as she had caught the butcher's knife without looking (she had been staring at it's reflection in front of her, but she was too bad ass to clarify or admit that, ever).

"He probably thinks were some sort of ninja assassins."

"The entire neighbourhood is certain that we are some sort of ninja assassins."

"Nah, that's just the mailman. Mrs. Beagles said that Mrs. Beverly thinks that we're from some sort of witness protection program, and that Mrs. Warrington thinks we're from some sort of Ex-Spec. Ops. Mr. Martinez from down the street, according to Mrs. Beagles, says that I'm some sort of Latino-American Drug Dealer Princess, and that you're my super-awesome specially trained bodyguard to keep me safe from enemy Drug Dealer Bosses. Oh, and there's also that one about us being lesbians that eloped, but it wasn't as interesting as the rest of the gossip, so I didn't really pay attention to it."

"Anything relevant from the gossip vine?"MJ asked in a dull, deadpan voice, clearly unimpressed.

"Mrs. Beagles said that Lily, you know- the woman from the barber's, has heard from a friend of hers, whose cousin found out from her maid that accidentally over-heard-"

"The relevant part, please."

"Oh, fine, ruin my fun, will you? Long story short, this woman named Bella saw Mrs. Bennet flirt with the new grocery store guy at that shop near that little cafe where-"

"I got it. Mrs. Bennet was getting fresh with the grocery store clerk." MJ said irritably." Wait. Mrs. Bennet."

"Yep, that Bennet."

"Why do you even bother with gossip?"

"It's not like I have anything else to do, except when I go to job interviews."

"Ugh, whatever. You should cut the quality time with Mrs. Beagles. That woman creeps me out. I swear she is a bloody vampire. And one of these days you will prove it by some sort of freak accident."

Fia shrugged non-commitally. Having involved herself in the web of intrigue that was weaved in Burgess, she had a pretty good starting position on things she wanted to achieve. You see, on one hand, gossiping gave her a good excuse to keep an eye on the Bennets, just in case the movie storyline decided to start a little earlier or a little later than expected. On the other hand, keeping an eye on most of her neighbours, hell, on the entire population of Burgess, gave her a pretty good idea how to handle people. Aside from MJ, she felt pretty paranoid and twitchy when talking with other people. Hell, the only reason she was friendly with people she supposedly just met was due to hefty background checks and psychological profiling. She was pretty certain how people would react to certain behavior and that gave her the confidence to face the world _with all of its horrible and dirty, backstabing secrets._

_Those bastards wouldn't know what hit them._

The Bennets were an interesting bunch. Maria Bennet was a single mother and she had two children, James and Sophia Bennet. She worked at two places and that was pretty much the important stuff that the neighbourhood knew about them. What Fia managed to scrape, however, was that yes, they were actual descendants of Jack Frost, or, as he was known premortum, Jackson Overland. The Overlands had been one of the first families to settle here in Burgess all the way back when it was barely a conglomerate of shabby wooden houses in the middle of a thick forest. There wasn't much written about the Overlands, save for a few documents from that certain pioneering period of time where she had found a few mentions of an Obadiah Overland who worked as a lumberjack. There were several death certificates bearing the Overland name and then the family was lost for a while until she found these old archives containing notes about the various marriages in the area. Overlands had become Gales, the Gales married with the Millfords and then the rest of the Gales died down.

Again, the link was lost for a while, but she managed to find some information on the Millfords having had moved to another state. From there the family seemed to move all over the place, again changing surnames several times. Finally, after some 300 years worth of tracking, Fia managed to find her way back to the Bennets, who, by some fluke of destiny, had returned some three generations ago to Burgess, Pennsylvania. The blonde felt ridiculously proud by the fruits of her detective work. She had even mapped out the family tree all the way back to anything she had managed to scrape as information.

Interestingly enough, there had been something of a birth certificate of a Jackson Overland but not a death certificate or the equivalent of one. A theory was bubbling in her head. There had been death certificates of a Virginia Overland and one Obadiah Overland. Perhaps they hadn't made one because no one had found his body? Perhaps his bones were nestled still somewhere deep within the murky depths of that lake he fell in.

An idea was certainly grinding gears in her head. After all, now she had a perfectly good incentive to make an actual submarine, even if it is a shabby one. Possibly something like the one that took shots of the Titanic. There was also the issue of having 300 years worth of sediments on top of the body and also the possibility nothing to have possibly remained of the body. There was also the issue with the amount of little glacier lakes that were scattered in the area, but she was pretty sure she could orientate herself as to where to look for that one particular lake.

So many details, so many things to do and so little time. And MJ just kept nagging about sleep. How could she sleep when she was so busy? And there was also the issue of her still not being able to get a job. If she had to be honest with herself, the thought of doing the menial tasks that the little people did made her cringe. She was made for grander things than cleaning houses, gardening, working as a waitress or babysitting, even though the last one was strategically the best option, seeing as they needed to keep an eye on the children of Burgess.

Babysitting, however, was a part-time job at best and the money were meager. She needed an actual job, something that she could do and have fun while doing it. Possibly work as a mechanic? Sadly enough, there weren't any job offers of the like. That didn't discourage her. Oh no.

_After all, when life gives you lemons, make grape juice and let the world wonder._

All she had to do was to nudge destiny a bit in the right direction. If there wasn't a job offer for a mechanic, then she had to make one. _And she knew just the place where to start. _It was the ideal job, one that presented her with an actual workshop with all sorts of tools in it that would really make most of her plans times easier.

**888**

There was nothing, absolutely nothing and North felt just as flabberghasted as when he first discovered the issue. It was as if these two women popped out of nowhere. There was, however, one very close match, which had lead him to believe that it had been a mistake on his part, for a little while at least.

One Michelle Jessica Keats. There was the name and the physical resemblance to be taken into consideration. They were both British. They'd even be of the same age, had the little girl not died tragically only at 7 years of age.

The other woman, however... There was nothing. Zilch. Nada. He had to call Toothiana. He had to gather the Guardians. Something strange was a foot and they needed to know.

**888**

"Did you find anything?"

"Mhm, there's a babysitting job at- "

"No."

"Why not?"

"Fia, we've had this conversation so many times now. You know why. It is not healthy for a child's development to have you influencing them with your wicked mad scientist ways."

"I'll have you know that I've been reading child development articles and I know how to handle children! Hell, I've babysat Tifa's kid, and you know it went marvelously well."

"The only reason Tifa and Ben agreed to have you take care of their little angel is because nobody wanted to suffer the consequences of failing the babysitting in someway. Tifa's a trigger happy gun maniac. And they're both military, you know that."

"You're just afraid that I'll get minions!"

"Wow, you are _so perceptive. _That's exactly it. For the last time, don't do it, Fia. You'll traumatize the children."

"Fine, MJ. You win. I won't do it." Fia had the fingers of one hand crossed behind her back.

_What MJ doesn't know wouldn't hurt her._

Several hours later found the blonde staring at a mirror, scrutinizing her appearance. She wore a knee lenght long black skirt and a simple white cotton oval neck top. She didn't have any jewels or anything and there was just the barest hint of make up on her face. Her hair had been meticulously styled into a smooth and perfect low bun and she had cut and cleaned her nails for at least two hours, trying to get the last of those mechanical grease spots from underneath. There was just one last detail that she needed to take care of, before heading out to meet her would-be employer.

She took a few calming breaths and then she gazed into her own eyes via the mirror. She tilted her head slightly to one side and thought of something happy and exciting. The bright smile bloomed on her face like a rising sun of happiness upon a vast ocean of joy.

_And the award for leading female role goes to..._

It was perfect. Not too forward, nor too overly excited-looking. It was charming and endearing, bright and full of hope, that fit that lovely prep look she had prepared for herself. She was French and she wanted to look the part and fit that American-based stereotype of what people thought French girls were like.

The man on the phone had sounded serious and gruff so she had almost immediately scratched out the flirting bit, even though that had been quite the plausible possibility in order to score the job. Single dads were usually an easy target, especially one who had lots of kids to take care of. She would've used just a bit of that Johnson charm and then she would've played stupid in case said single dad had more in mind. Thankfully, things hadn't gone down that scenario, so right now she just had to call a cab and get to the home of one William Middleton.

The ride was shorter than expected, and she paid the cab driver his due with a charming smile on her face. She rung the bell and stood straight as a board, with only the slightest hint of a twist in her hips that she knew looked pleasing to the eye, made her look rather cute and not to mention dissuaded any sort of thoughts that tied words like _crazy, sinister, danger, warning _and what not to herself. It was perfect guise for the perfect job.

The door opened revealing a rather tall and buff man with tan skin and mouse brown hair, with greenish-yellow hazel eyes. The man looked rather intimidating and he scrutinized her just as she was discreetly scrutinizing him. It was now or never.

_Say something cutesy and normal._

_"_Good Evening, sir. " the well-practiced smile bloomed on her face as she tilted her head slightly, all the while never taking her eyes off the man's face.

_Nailed it!_

"I'm Fiona, we talked over the phone about that babysitting job."

The man's almost unreadable expression that seemed slightly hostile in Fia's opinion _(also a rather astute observation on her part)_ changed into one of recognition and he invited her inside. Perhaps he had thought she was some sort of travelling saleswoman or something? Hey, it was a possibility. Men weren't the only ones who took up weird jobs. There was an economical crisis going on and people were scrambling for whatever jobs they could get.

"You said you were French." the man gruffed. "You don't sound French."

"I was born in New York. My parents moved to Paris when I was five and I lived there ever since. As for the lack of the so called French accent, I'd find myself blaming my rather impeccable linguistic skills."

Fia almost preened as she spoke but then she remembered she was supposed to be nice to the man and not brag left and right. She mentally kicked herself in the head.

_Be nice and cutesy dammit!_

The man, William, did not look too convinced but he did not comment. He seemed to be distrustful of the whole babysitting situation but he also seemed like he had little to no choice.

"Hm. Penelope, get your brothers and cousin and get down here!"

_Many whelps! Handle it!_

Fia braced herself, as she met for the first time the man's brats.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I had fun getting inspiration from various sweet low budget movies. I also had fun reading how people like my story. So, since you like it so much, I think It's high time to have our favourite guardians at the very front of the stage. Also, frustration and wistful thinking abound! **

**PS: Kudos to Eland Vary for her awesome review.**

**Now, let's all enjoy this newest chapter, in which...**

**Chapter Five**

_In which the guardians try to solve a mystery. And fail miserably. For the most part. Uh, maybe._

Nicholas St. North, better known to the world as Santa Claus, had seen some strange things during the many years in which he did what he did -giving gifts to the nice children all around the world. There have been some close calls with parents, there have been some close calls with overzealous children, hell, there had been that one time he nearly had a bomb blow up in his face during the days of World War Two, but he always managed to get the job done. He knew not just every child, but every man and woman, every grandpa and grandma, for they have once, too, been children themselves. He knew little bits about any child or has-been-child in the world, it was part of who he was, part of what made him Santa Claus.

He kept files on every child since the dawn of his career as a Guardian. Once or twice there have been some misunderstandings concerning several files, for example Jack Frost's, who was pretty much a child at heart even after he became a spirit – he was in the top five naughtiest children in the history of ever. Of course, there was last year's 13 year old who managed to top the winter spirit's record, and that was really saying something, since Jack Frost had been a spirit for little over 300 years. It was a sad, but true fact, that more and more children ended up on the naughty list. He didn't blame most of them. Usually it was financial problems within the family, poor parenting, abusive environment. And then there was that special group of hellions that were just born to be little hellions and destined to be the next generation of evil, and not so little, criminal master minds, terrorists, rapists, and all around psychotic gunmen and assassins.

No, he didn't blame them either and it saddened his heart to see any child to eventually become something so horrible. Despite how that broke his great big Christmas-tinged heart, he wouldn't remove them from the naughty list, even if Manny (Man in the Moon, for those who didn't know) would order it himself. He had a code and he followed that code – encourage the good in children by giving gifts to those on the nice list. And that code included placing children in the nice and naughty lists.

But now, for the first time ever, he had to think up a place for another group of people. It was a group that would, for now, contain two people, and it was a group that was designed for those that did not have a childhood, as strange as it sounded. Because, despite his thorough search, he hadn't found anything on those two.

With a thoughtful expression, Nicholas bit in half a cookie and chewed on the delightful goodness. Hmm, the recipe had been followed to the dot, but they still weren't good as the ones that Michael girl had made him. Yet another reason as to why they were an important problem to solve.

Nicholas St. North was a tall man, quite a bulky one too, with massive, strong arms and a pronounced rounded belly, that did not make him look so much chubby as it made him look more like a mountain of a man. He had fierce-looking dark bushy brows and a long, silvery beard and somewhat shoulder length grayish hair. His face, or what was not covered by hair, did not look much older than that of someone in his late forties or in his fifties. What was most remarkable about him, besides his physique, was his bright, large, blue eyes that held all the kindness and wonder of the world.

A Yeti entered his office and grunted, grabbing North's attention.

"Ah, Luke, good to see you again! How was vacation? I heard wife has another baby on the way! Good job!"

The Yeti grunted again, apparently the grunts being some form of Yeti language that Nicholas, Nick for short, understood.

"Good, good. High quality paint, sturdy wood, like Russia. I like. Give materials to sleigh team."

With a few more grunts the Yeti named Luke left Nick's office as he sighed slightly. No matter how good warriors and toy-makers Yetis in general are, and no matter how friendly and loyal, they lacked that certain something that had to do with knocking on doors before entering. There was always something to do and there were always Yetis interrupting him at the most inopportune moments. At least he hadn't ruined his latest design. Yetis tended to open and close doors rather loudly.

Nick went through whatever he had gathered up on the two girls one more time and then ordered the mess of paper and parchment on his desk. He had to call up Toothiana. Even if those girls hadn't had any childhood, they still would've been young and children at some point, thus they would've had baby teeth, and Toothiana collected those with almost as great a zeal as his own strive for punctuality and need to get the job done so all the nice children in the world got their presents.

He had to go to her castle and he couldn't use the sleigh. Not for another two weeks at least. As much as he loved his elves, sometimes they caused more harm than help. At least the incident hadn't happened right before Christmas. Still, it pained him to think about his beloved sleigh in the condition it was in. And his poor Deer!

But never mind that now. He could use his special crystal balls to the same effect as his sleigh. Still, the sleigh was most impressive piece of his own ingenuity, so it kinda really sucked not to be able to show it off to the fairies in Tooth's domain. After all, everybody loves the sleigh. A heavy sigh left his lungs and he stood up from his desk and took up his fluffy red coat and his swords. Even if he wasn't going to fight anyone, he looked times more impressive with his swords.

"Stephan, Oleg! With me!" Nick beckoned two of his yetis to escort him.

He took out a crystal ball and held it close to his face.

"Toothiana's Palace." He whispered and threw it.

The air around it shimmered and reality was sucked in through it as it warped and opened a portal to said destination.

"Come on, boys, we have mystery to solve!" North laughed merrily as he strode through the portal, followed closely by his to escorting Yetis.

**888**

"So, you're Penelope? Mr. William here's oldest."

"My friends call me Pippa." the girl said somewhat shyly and Fia tried not to do a double take.

This girl was Pippa? As in the RoTG movie Pippa? She was rather tall for her age, which Fia figured to be around 9. She was a slim girl with reddish-brown hair and big brown eyes. Her skin was rather fair, compared to her father's, which lead her to further believe this girl had taken majorly after her mother. And yes, she wore that cap on her head inside the house as well. She wondered why, but it would probably be inappropriate to ask and she wanted the job because MJ would nag that she's the only one getting money. And then again, she'd nag her for taking this babysitting job. All in all, she'd be nagged anyways, so there was no point dawdling on obvious facts.

Fia turned her eyes towards the twin boys that were standing next to their father. They had definitely taken after their father, from hair, to skin, to eye color. They also seemed rather shy towards her, which was somewhat typical among the 4 to 5 year old population when handling adults or young adults. Fia knelt down and smiled at the boys warmly. It was always a good idea to make the introduction at their level, _lest they thought she was the Brutish Brunhildr, _or some such equal horror of the babysitting variant.

"And who might ye wee turnips be, hmm?" Fia said, voice thick with accent, making the boys giggle a bit. The one on the left, apparently more shy than the other, hid behind his father's leg, only carefully keeping an eye on her with one visible eye. The one on the right however, approached her with an extended hand to greet her.

"Hi, miss! I'm George and this is my brother Thomas." the boy said politely, and Fia took his hand and shook it with the respect she'd give any adult. _On theory, of course, she barely admitted to herself she had respect for her friends, there was barely anything she'd set aside for the unknown and usually greedy and selfish folk that considered themselves adults as if that was some__** serious business.**_

"Pleased to meet you, George! My name is Fiona and I am going to be your babysitter for tonight." she smiled at him pleasantly, already trying to not succumb to the urge to crush him in a hug and possibly suffocate him between her plentiful breasts.

_Right in the ovaries, kid. Now I want one!_

Finally, the blonde was introduced to the 3 year old little boy that looked nothing like Mr. Middleton, and who was his nephew – the cute and quiet Kyle Middleton. He was a blond, blue eyed little cherub with puffy pink cheeks _that were just so squee worthy_ and _oh my god please don't let Mr. Middleton think I'm some sort of pedophile for wanting to smother his children with hugs and kisses. And possibly freshly home-made baked goods. Like cake and cookies and-_

"I expect Kyle and the twins in bed by 8 and Penelope at 10. You can have dinner with the children, I've also left some snacks. You can watch TV here in the living room as long it doesn't disturb the children's sleep. You have my number in case anything happens. I might come back later than expected, so if you'd like to sleep we have a guest room and I've prepared the bed. Any questions?"

Fia blinked and thought over what he had told her for a moment. It was almost hard to believe this man was the owner and manager of a Bar of all things. He reminded her so much of Tifa's little soldier rants it wasn't even funny. Then again he might be one of those types that tried to intimidate into proper employee behavior so there was that as well.

"Has Pippa done all of her schoolwork for tomorrow?"

The girl groaned but her father seemed to give an approving expression. _Parents are so easy to manipulate when you know what they want from their children. Kukuku!_

About five minutes later William, or Bill as he finally said he preferred to be called, left his children to babysitter Fiona's mercies.

"Don't worry Peeps, homework will be over quick and then we can do whatever we like! Except setting the house on fire. Your dad won't like that."

The twins giggled at that last random comment.

"And don't think I've forgotten about you two! Your pops said to have you in bed by 8. By the way, do you guys have LEGO? I haven't touched the stuff in ages!" the blonde giggled excitedly.

By default children hated homework. By default Fia wouldn't be caught dead doing responsible and proactive things for the community out of the goodness of her heart, but she was paid, and she needed the money, and she was getting paid, and she was hoping for a nice tip, and she was also hoping for a decent tip. Hey, she liked being handed stuff, especially if she got to keep it and _especially _when that stuff happened to be money.

"Ooh! You're such a little cherub, I think I'll pinch your little puffy cheeks off!"

Between fawning over the youngest child and helping poor Pippa with her Math homework, Fia found herself enjoying actually working with children. There was also glorious amounts of LEGO involved, some awesome roast chicken with a side of mashed carrots and potatoes. All in all, the evening was pretty awesome.

Once the boys were all off to bed, Fia focused on clearing up all the stray LEGO pieces and with Pippa's help continued working on the awesome fort she had been building with the boys up until now.

"So, Pippa, tell me a bit about yourself." it was a simple conversation starter, and Fia wanted to try and see if she could point the conversation towards James Bennet, or as he was better known in the movies, Jamie.

She was pretty much as ordinary as they could get._ No wonder in that, really. The children in the movie were designed to appeal to a ridiculously large amount of child-stereotypes, in order to make the movie even more relatable. __**It was most disappointing, really.**_

Most of the girl's friends consisted of her classmates, and she shared about her fondness of the supernatural. Pippa was indeed very tomboyish. She liked to play sports and to fool around outside, rather than do tea parties and play with dolls. _Considering she lived 24/7 surrounded by a sausage fest, it wasn't that much of a surprise._ The girl lacked a woman's touch and she held herself like a boy rather than a girl. She'd probably grow out of it at some point, but right now, it wasn't that important, really.

The good news was that Pippa had easily taken to Fia. The bad news was that the girl was that the girl had too easily taken to Fia, to the point of being clingy. _If that didn't ring the Desperado __Alarms, then the blond had no idea what would ring them._ Pippa liked having another girl to talk to, even if its mostly on a subconscious level for now.

It was around nine when Pippa finally told Fia about Jamie. The woman had been doing the dishes and she nearly cracked a plate when the girl had started blabbing about her best friend, the Bennet's boy who lived not too far away from here.

Fia made a mental note to check out the area more properly as soon as she could. This would be, after all, the battlefield on which Pitch (_that tall, dark and handsome magnificient bastard. __**Probably tall, dark and handsome, that is. May the gods of all that is sexy curse whoever would be unfortunate enough to decide to make the Mighty Fear-monger less hot than his animated counterpart**_) would take on the Guardians. For now, her plans were mostly vague as to what exactly she'd do. She needed to take into account both sides of the conflict, even though she was heavily inclined to go to the dark side just to soak up the Boogeyman's hotness.

"Miss Fiona!"

"I'm coming, Pippa! Give me a second."

Fia certainly managed to get off track for a few minutes there. Back home it hadn't been a big secret that she heavily appreciated villainous types, especially if they were sexy magnificient bastards with a tragic note in their past. Or pretty much tall, dark and handsome fellows that also happened to be incredibly smart and/or witty, and very, very intense. The list of men that covered said traits included people like Loki, Tom Riddle, House MD, Obito Uchiha, that mummy guy from The Mummy movies, The Illusive Man (also known as Jack Harper), every single Male Turian (_Gods the Turian voice!), _Javik, The Phantom of the Opera, Almost all of Johny Depp's characters, most notably Sweeny Todd, Antonio Banderas, Megamind... the list was pretty long, but if it was some form of tall, dark and handsome, they were her man.

Her second type of man was a bit more of an inherent preference. Coming from a family where almost every single male was buff and around 2 meters tall, she found herself marveling any man of said proportions. She especially liked big strong hands, and some times imagined herself being somewhat roughly handled by such hands. She was a tough girl and she could take it. It was a giddy sensation to think about getting a massage from big strong hands.

Then, there was her third type, which she blamed on her great-grandfather. She had an inexplicable fondness for any type of red hair. She could just stare at red heads, even ugly ones, and find something awesome about them, especially because of the color of their hair.

Leo had been all three of her types. He was...he had been something else and more often than not she wondered if breaking it off had been a mistake. _Had it been the right decision or had her paranoia taken it's latest victim? _And now he was going to marry Rose, a very good and very close friend of hers. Perhaps almost as close as MJ. She was seven years older and she had also been a red head.

Fia tried to clear her head of thoughts about Leo and Rose. It was still too fresh a wound and she didn't need such things to ruin her mood, not when she'd finally found a some sort of job.

Around 10 she had Pippa go to bed but not before having the girl tell her that she was pretty cool for also liking supernatural stuff. Perhaps she'd be able to nudge Pippa into helping her meet Jamie? It would be easy, if only she'd be able to spend more time babysitting Pippa and her siblings.

Fia lounged on the living room, one foot on the table, the other one leisurely spread a bit to the side. Her skirt was rather pulled up, but she had little care for that. She was comfy in this pose and there was nobody to see her. She doubted the guy had set up cameras to spy on her but even if he had, hey, she had shaved, and there was nothing unusual or unsightly to see. Fiona gnawed on chips as she watched the late night news. It was pretty awesome to be able to watch TV again. They hadn't bought one when they had gotten their rented house, but it was either a TV or a computer, so the choice was pretty simple in the end.

_That and..._

_Well._

"The FBI are still looking for the person responsible for snatching half a million dollars from various bank accounts of known rich and famous people. According to our sources, very little headway has been made and, in fact, there isn't even a suspect yet. Will FBI break their silence concerning the case or will they continue to hide facts in hopes that..."

The newswoman continued talking about the case for a few more minutes and then moved on to less important news. Fia casually stuffed herself with another handful of chips (there had also been pop-corn, but she hated the stuff even more than she hated Nutella, and that was saying something). She casually sipped on her glass of Pepsi and when the news ended, she switched back to watch Adventure Time.

_Heh..._

_It had been too easy..._

_Those fuckers never saw it coming._

**888**

Bill came home to find his house as spotless as he had left it, save for a rather huge LEGO Fort with napkins and pieces of paper that just had to be flags and banners, presenting the awesomeness and complexity of "Fort Middleton". A small smile stretched his lips. There was him, in the form of a LEGO figurine, right there on one of the turrets, with a cape and with an raised arm, holding a miniature sword that was a twig of some sort. He spotted what was supposed to be the twins, on a pair of LEGO horses. There was also little Kyle looking over one of the Fort's walls and apparently either Pippa or the babysitter had added what seemed to be little white paper wings on his back. After some aditional inspection, he found Pippa climbing one of the walls at the back, possibly infiltrating the castle.

Now he had to buy more LEGO, he couldn't just have this piece of art destroyed.

Bill looked at the clock. It was half past three in the morning and the babysitter was probably sleeping in the guest room. Her shoes and coat were still here. He wondered if he should wake her up, but decided it was best to let her sleep until morning.

With a head-splitting yawn he headed for his bathroom to prepare himself for bed as well. He turned the faucets of his sink to wash his hands.

"Hm, strange." he mumbled with a frown when he stopped the water. " I could swear this faucet was dripping. Oh well."

Bill got out of the bathroom and headed to his own bedroom. On his way he noticed that the door to the guest room wasn't exactly closed and he slowed down and simply took a peek inside. He wondered why she'd leave the door opened when she was, well, stripped of her shirt and skirt. She was still covered by the fluffy thick blankets to keep her warm, but still. His gaze lingered a moment longer, taking in the smooth tan skin and the loose golden curls. She seemed unnaturally peaceful, compared to her radiant behavior from earlier when she had been awake.

She turned in her sleep, and Bill got a glimpse of her plentiful mounds, albeit covered by a gray bra. He could hear his own heartbeat pounding in his ears and his face burning all the way down, through his neck and even to his chest. Bill ran as fast and as silently as he could to his room, thinking of anything that would distract him from that sight. After what seemed an eternity, he calmed himself and sighed sadly. He missed his wife, and yet, it had been almost too long since he last felt a woman's touch in his life.

That girl, sleeping in the guestroom, was probably young enough to be his daughter, he thought feeling ashamed of his own reaction. Bill thought of the trip to the Technical Expo and of Michael who was going to accompany him. He turned his eyes upwards, as if asking the heavens to spare him of the pretty women that seemed to be surrounding him as of lately.

_What was he thinking?_

_He should've gotten an old babysitter._

_What would the neighbors say?_

Bill did not get much sleep that night.

**888**

"I'm sorry, North, but I can't find anything. Are you sure about the names of these women?"

"It's bad, Tooth. Something not right. I can feel it. In my belly."

And he really did feel it. The absence of those amazing cookies that his Yetis were somehow unable to fully replicate. That, and the fact that it was as if suddenly, two people had dropped into the world out of no where. If Toothiana had failed to find anything, then they had to turn to the one person who was bound to know what was going on. It was official, they had to take this up to Manny.

_**A/N: I hope you guys like this chapter! I'm trying to get to a part where Pitch is actually present, but for now, as I stated in the Author's note at the start, it's just wistful thinking. But at least you get awesome scenes with North and lots of Fiona goodness. Seriously, I can't wait to get to the part where Fia and MJ actually interact with the Guardians and Pitch. There are so many crowning moments of win (**in my overly humber opinion) **that it would be a shame not to get to those parts soon. That being said, I'll try to post the next chapter soon enough! Kudos!**_

_**PS: REVIEWS MAKE ME WRITE FASTER! CONSTRUCTIVE REVIEWS TURN ON THE TURBO SPEED FOR WRITING :D**_


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